Creep Anthem

“You are a cinema – I could watch you forever”

That profound non-rhyming couplet blared out of nearby radio recently, apparently the lyrics of Cinema, the latest contribution to the fourth circle of hell music world by Benny Benassi. The same Benny Benassi who achieved fame years ago with ‘Push me, and then just touch me, so I can get my satisfaction.’ But this. This is something else, Benny.

A cinema? Really? Do you think women would appreciate being likened to a gigantic building with ample seating for hundreds of people? I doubt it. And, ‘I could watch you forever’? Forever is a long time to just watch someone. That pretty much rules out any chance of other activities you could do with someone special – like going out to dinner, seeing friends for drinks, tenpin bowling, rock-climbing – even GOING to the actual cinema. But no, this romance is me staring at you… forever! Straight into the creepy stalker compilation with this one, right in between Lionel Ritchie’s ‘Hello?’ and The Police’s ‘Every Breath You Take’. It can play through someone’s iPod as they peer through binoculars into their victim’s living room window.

Also, if this object of affection is like a cinema, what the hell is showing that this guy is watching forever? The third Lord of the Rings film? I guess ‘You are a cinema, I could watch you for 129 minutes, which is the average length of a movie according to Answers.com’ didn’t quite fit the time signature.

I didn’t bother with the rest of the song, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Bruno Mars stepped in later to declare how he’d catch a LGM-30 Minuteman Intercontinental Ballistic Missile for ya.